It’s all beginning to make sense

Last Sunday I got to share briefly about how God has prepared me for this new journey in my life with my church. It was awesome looking back to see just how God is using my past for His glory. One of my life verses and the one I cling to most right now is Isaiah 61:1-3. My favorite part being verse 3 “To all who mourn in Israel, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory.” What an amazing promise!

I have always wondered why God allowed me to experience the things I did growing up. Why I didn’t get to have that ideal family life. Why I didn’t feel loved by those who were suppose to love me. Why I had to move from several homes and placed in foster care. It didn’t make sense to me for the longest of times. When I became a Foster Care Case Manager three years ago I began to see how this fitted together. I’ve been able to reach these kids and teens (with only God’s help) in ways that others couldn’t. I could relate to them on a certain level. It’s been an awesome ministry working there and also my time spent with other teens. I would never give up the opportunity to reach them and work with them as I have now.

But then there’s the things I brought upon myself…my poor decisions I made to get involved with partying and addictions. How in the world could these things be made beautiful? I have been so ashamed of this part of my life for so long. But even this God has made to bring Him glory. I have worked with adults and teens that have these addictions or are contemplating making some of the choices that led to that dark path I was on. I’m getting ready to go and spend the next three years working in a teen rehab center. Not that God ever desired me to have addictions but He brought me to a place where I was able to surrender them to Him and asked Him to bring Himself glory through that. Of course that is what He is doing now!

I could just go on and on about all the things He began to point out to me that goes perfectly with Isaiah 61:3. I am blown away that He truly loves that much that He will plant me and nourish me and grow me into a strong and graceful oak for His glory. An oak tree that can serve as an example of what the Lord is capable of doing in a life and that can provide shade for those around so they too can begin to surrender it all to Him and grow up into a strong and graceful oak for His own glory!

Broken Jar of Clay

I wonder so often why in the world has God chosen me as His beloved daughter. Of all people I’m a mess. I’m ashamed to even admit what goes on in my head at times. Some days I long to be with Jesus more than anything and on others…well…He might get a passing thought. I’m a sinner who doesn’t deserve this life He has given me. But thankfully Jesus did die on the cross and rose to life so that I can sit here and know that I am loved…truly loved with an unfailing love…by Him.

So here I am, this stubborn, ugly, lump of clay; not really good for anything. I can’t even take care of myself! I lie on the floor, intermingled by the shattered pieces of my jar that once held me in – left vulnerable. Thank God that is not where this story ends!

The Great Potter –Jesus- has entered the room, searching for His next great masterpiece. Will it be the elegant glass vase? The jeweled king’s cup? The hand painted plate? Or even the sad looking mug, which at least is functional? The Great Potter is pleased with these creations but His eyes are locked on me. What could He want? What use would I be to Him?

He kneels down besides me; with His gentle hands He begins to take the broken pieces of the jar out of me. When removed some give me a sense of relief, while others make me scream out in pain and tears. He never yells at me for my outburst but sweetly sings over me. He continues to work reminding me it’s for my own good and for His glory. The Great Potter scoops me up and begins to kneed me and mold me into a ball…oh the aching and headaches. At times I find myself resisting…but He’s so good to not move on until that part is completely smoothed…though it’s less than favorable for me.

The Great Potter then moves me to His wheel and begins to shape me! I’m being created! He loves me so much that He has already planned out my entire being. He has a specific use for me and designs me accordingly. I look at the others around me and wonder if I’ll be as beautiful as the elegant vase or will I simply be like the mug. Oh I do hope to be like the vase. The Great Potter focuses me back on Himself and reminds me I won’t be like any of them but will be uniquely His creation. I will hold the same honor as all the others…created by The Great Potter for His glory and honor.

The Great Potter has shaped me and now places me with great care in the fire so that I can grow strong. I screamed and begged for Him to take me out. I felt He didn’t care nor heard me any longer. Just when I was about to give in He rescued me and attended to me. He had to put me back in the fire multiple times to make me complete. Every time it hurt just as much but I began to understand and believe that He was right there with me and knew what He was doing…so the less I resisted.

The Great Potter put His finishing touches on me that only He could envision. He sweetly sung that He would always be with me and I would never be a lump of clay again no matter who tries to make me believe that. Yet how do I at times see the ugly lump of clay in the corner when The Great Potter has made me into His beautiful masterpiece? With a gentle nudge I’m reminded that I have taken my focus off of The Great Potter. Thank you Great Potter for taking my ugly, sinful life and making some beautiful that only you could do. May I strive daily to see myself as you see me and not that useless lump of clay.

Thank you for taking me through the fires! I love you!

Psalm 139:13-14 “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – and how well I know it.”

Home needed

Well it's coming to that time and sadly I have to find a foster home for my babies...kitties. I only have a week and half with them :( Please pray that I find a home quickly for them and a good one. Also pray for me as I try to get all moved out by the end of next week and that housing stuff will work out. Thanks

I Got Wings!

I'm flying away with my new found wings! Well...large, metal wings that will ease my level of physical endurance! The tickets are booked. I leave Springfield, MO on 21 August 2008 at 6am! I will then be in San Jose, Costa Rica at Noon! 6 weeks from yesterday! Yea Jesus!

Behind the Scenes

God is always working behind the scenes of our lives. It's just that we forget about it because sometimes it's rarely seen. I am a person that wants to see the evidence and can get so caught up in what I see. But there's so much more. For instance, yesterday I get a phone call from a sweet person who has told me about how they have decided to support me. It was humbling to see how God was so involved in it. But it didn't end there, there were others involved that made it all happen. It's incredible to see how God used every day things and multiple of people to supply for a need. I am so humbled that He chooses to do that for me when I am so often disobedient and selfish. What an amazing God we serve. That He blesses me through the blessings of others. All for His glory. WOW! Thank you Jesus!

Become a Partner with me

You can play a vital role in every step of this amazing journey. I need individuals to kneel with me as I take this giant step of faith in the direction that the Lord is leading me. Would you be a Prayer Warrior for me and commit to praying for me and my ministry weekly for a determined amount of time? As a Prayer Warrior I will send you updated prayer requests and praises so you can be lifting those things up to our Father with me.

In addition, I need individuals to support me financially. My greatest financial need is for a team of monthly Supporters. I need $2,000 pledged for monthly support to cover my living expenses. I will also need additional gifts of at least $8,000 to cover my travel, language school tuition, and other set-up expenses. This fund is called my Travel and Equipment (T & E) account. Would you be part of my Support team?

If you would like to become a Partner with me by being a Prayer Warrior and /or a Financial Supporter, please email me at sunshineloveland@gmail.com. You may send donations via mail to Christ For the City International, P.O. Box 390395, Omaha, NE 68139-0395. Please make checks payable to: Christ for the City International. Write on a separate piece of paper that your donation is “for Support” or “for T&E” of Sunshine Loveland. Monthly donations can also be made through automatic payroll deductions. Please call CFCI at 1.888.526.7551 or email finance@cfci.org to get this set up with the agency. You may also donate online at the CFCI website, http://www.cfci.org/. Thank you for prayerfully considering how the Lord would have you partner with me in Costa Rica.

7 weeks left!

Well today is the day...I have placed my notice in at work. I can't believe it. It is finally here. It's a very bittersweet thing. I am so excited for this new journey but it's very nerve-racking and emotional. But I just can't wait! I am even going to the travel agent today! Now that's going to be 100% real! It's really hard to start getting my mind to start planning to leave. The Lord has taken me on this journey for five years now. From the time He set it on my heart to do foreign missions, applying at several agencies, and now the process of going. I just can't believe it's finally here. Yea God!

Things to be in prayer for:

• That I will be able to find good and reasonable airline tickets
• That Boys & Girls Town will be able to find a new caseworker to fill my position quickly so I can work with them for about a week
• I am currently 50% of my support goal - please pray for the remainder of the support that I need to raise
• That my passion for Christ will continue to grow and that I stay focused on Him completely.

Morning Whisper

God is so awesome. I love how He shows Himself. I was sharing with a friend yesterday about being scared and the emotional ride I have started since Sunday – I’ve been trying to rely on God’s peace and trusting Him completely with moving to another country. I haven’t really doubted the decision but I could tell last night the seed was beginning to be planted.

This morning I got up and instead of putting in my new fave CD I bought on Friday (I have only listened to that amazing CD since) I just turned on the radio to a local Christian station. They always have a positive thought of the day; sometimes scripture sometimes a saying. Well today’s was Isaiah 41:10 – “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” WOW! I couldn’t help but hear God all through this.

But this is what is even better Is 41:9-10 is one of my life verses! These verses were the first time I ever felt I heard God’s voice. It was summer before 11th grade at youth camp and I was upset about life and how things happened with my family and I opened up my Bible and looked down and there were these words that He spoke to me. And here again He was speaking to me today.

I know 100% that I am to leave in August and He has it all under control. How awesome is that? His love and intimacy should never surprise me but it does. I'm overwhelmed by His love! Yeah God!